best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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