I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
