I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
