the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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