ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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