she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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