Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
