my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
