I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
