I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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