I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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