After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
