You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
