so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
