So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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