Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
