Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
