she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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