We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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