We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
