Buhtt sex?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
