Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
