I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
