I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
