I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
