She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
