sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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