My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
