Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
