My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
