I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
