Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
