It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
