the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
