Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
