Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
