One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
