is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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