Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i drank out of a bidet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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