So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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