I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
