We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
