fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
