she smelled like a LAN party
people are starting to question the shark bite story
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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