Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
