is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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