I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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