New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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