just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
