In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
