I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
