Non-Jews are for practice
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
