Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't turn off my feet"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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