What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
