ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
