At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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