dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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