Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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