i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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