I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
