big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
