I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
