I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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