he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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