The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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