I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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