put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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