I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
