but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
