i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
