had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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