Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize