Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
