did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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